I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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