I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
