Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
