I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was CRYING into my vagina
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
