Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
