I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
