No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
