im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
