when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
