so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
