I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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