At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
