Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
