Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
