I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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