That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
