You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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