Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
