Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
