i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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