that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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