why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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