remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
