I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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