Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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