Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
