Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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