her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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