I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
