i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
