"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
