oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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