i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
