mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
