I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
