Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
