I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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