So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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