I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
