I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i think my cat just said my name.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
