if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
