Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
