I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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