Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
