Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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