dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
