i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
