you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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