I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
