I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The power of my boobs compel you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
