remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
