nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
