she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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