Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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