I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
