I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
